How to become a better LGBT ally? (Tips)

While the LGBT community still has many enemies, it seems that the number of people accepting what the elders would call "deviance" is increasing.

Much worse than that, some claim to be allies but know absolutely nothing about the LGBT community and the daily life of the people who make it up.

You've probably come to this article because you want to fix some shortcoming or know how to go about it. Well, you did well!

This article aims to improve your relationships with LGBT people. Even better, become one of their loyal allies. Here are our ten tips to become a better LGBT ally:

1- Be open-minded

One of the first tips for becoming a better ally is to stay open-minded. Indeed, there are countless specificities to each. And some inclines will not be to your liking (at all). Nevertheless, you owe it to yourself to respect this. This requires a tolerance of the difference, which is complicated to set up.

Preparation is, therefore, necessary.

Try to learn about the LGBT cause and its history, LGBT news, understand the different terms specific to the community or the other flags, ...

This will certainly allow you to better understand the person in front of you and to be able to communicate their gender identity or sexual orientation in a clear manner.

Educating yourself is probably the best thing to do in the first place. And you are on the right site for it!

2- Be attentive and ready to discuss

Following your research, you can obviously easily communicate with someone from the LGBT community. But being able to speak is one thing. Knowing how to listen is another.

LGBT people often feel excluded, bad about themselves, and/or are pressured by society. So focus on listening. Knowing the feelings of the person opposite and going through empathy will make you all the more intelligent and able to help them.

If there is something that bothers you in your speech, think twice before saying it out loud:

Is it your point of view or the speech of the person opposite that is problematic?
How do you bring the topic to the table in a positive and non-hurtful way?
Is it really necessary to talk about it, or is it a detail of no real importance?

Based on your answers to these questions, consider whether or not it is worth making your views known and going against those of your interviewer or not.

3- Don't separate your LGBT friends from your "normal" friends and family

As mentioned in the previous point, people from the LGBT community often feel excluded. And it is not a hazard. You should, therefore, not separate your LGBT friends from people considered "normal".

Not only, but there could also be members or people who support the LGBT community even within your entourage without your knowing it (see next point). The best way to get someone accepted is to integrate them into the group without making a difference.

If you show that we are all looking for the same thing despite our individualities, there is no reason our differences should be problems. After all, we often have more in common with an unknown person than we might first think.

Then ask yourself the question: do you want to stay in an LGBTphobic environment and accept this?

4- Avoid thinking that everyone around you is heterosexual

This point is relatively linked to the previous one. One of the biggest mistakes humans can make thinking that the world looks like them. Humans are anything but uniform. We, of course, know deep down that everyone is different. But admitting these differences can be a challenge.

Let's take a quick example: how many times have you become so impatient with someone's incompetence that you call them (or think they are) an idiot?

We all have our strengths and weaknesses. Everyone also has their way of acting and thinking. The hardest part is understanding that others may not understand even some fundamental things.

Well, it's similar for people who have never been in the LGBT community or come from backgrounds that do not accept different gender identities, sexual orientations, ... It may be that, in small towns or Catholic families, for example, the tolerance for a homosexual couple is close to zero.

So a lot of people pretend to be within the norm. They hide a part of their personality that could be considered an anomaly. And this quite merely for fear of being excluded. So don't think that if someone calls themselves heterosexual, they have to be. He may be hiding his game or has yet to discover some aspect of his identity or his sexuality. This is always subject to change.

It is for these reasons that you should not consider anyone you meet as heterosexual. Throughout your life, you will undoubtedly meet more LGBTQ + people than you think.

5- Get used to uncomfortable and awkward situations

You can't always have what you want in life, can you? Conversations that don't turn out the way you want them to, details that you could do without, or confessions that you'd rather forget… These are pretty standard things. But everyone has a different openness, subjects on which they are more or less comfortable… So, although you have your limits, be prepared to hear disturbing, unusual, even shocking things.

If you have done your job (see the first point on openness), this will not necessarily protect you from these situations. But tell yourself that, as much as it may shock you, some situations are worse for the people who go through them.

After all, in your daily life as an ally, you may not be the primary target of LGBTphobic acts or other discrimination.

Also, tell yourself that making mistakes is normal. The most important thing in the story is how you react to them and let people know that you are ready to learn.

Have a merry white Christmas with this awesome LGBT Christmas Tree Shirt.

6- Ban LGBTphobic jokes and thoughts from your speech

Although a large majority of French people like to make jokes to lighten the mood, it shouldn't be aimed at people or made others uncomfortable. The easiest way is to avoid in all circumstances jokes and thoughts of racist, LGBTphobic, xenophobic.

And when someone shares their uncomfortable feelings with you about your humor or speech, don't question their point of view.

Instead, try to understand the person and ask them to apologize for your clumsiness. In the end, asking for an apology costs you nothing, while feeling belittled or humiliated can have serious consequences down the road.

However, don't stop there. Take advantage of your mistakes to learn and find out more. This will only strengthen a relationship that, without this effort on your part, would likely become cold and distant.

7- Take action: do not let discrimination, whatever its form, go unpunished

There are many ways to strive for a better world. The first is to accept that our society has a problem (In fact, no, it has much more than one!). Once we accept this problem, we can find a solution.

On your scale, several methods are available to you: As we mentioned in the previous point, if someone makes an LGBTphobic remark or joke, don't let it go as if it was normal.

Likewise, if you see a same-sex couple being harassed or abused, it's your duty to report it. Without it, you are complicit in these acts of discrimination. If you do not put yourself in danger (your safety remains a priority), also try to intervene.

Showing that LGBT people have support can discourage their attackers. In the event that this is not possible, do not go your way. Call the police in the event of violence. Also, contact the different associations depending on the situation you are witnessing.

If you witness injustices in your workplace, take the time to talk to the victim of it. Also, try to discuss and bring up the issue with other people involved. If the situation does not improve, associations exist to report these behaviors. You can find some of these associations on our contact page here.

8- Face your own biases and the prejudices you may have towards others

Valid as much for LGBT people than any persecuted minority (People of different origins, with other religious beliefs,…). Avoid having prejudices and believing that the world is turning as you think it is. The person in front of you has a past that is different from yours. It has its reasons, as well as its values.

It is also valid for your privileges: recognize them and take advantage of them to do justice and be heard. We will tend not to listen to a person from a minority; we will lend a more attentive ear to our fellow human beings.

9- Remember that everyone should be treated with respect and dignity

And this is valid regardless of race, religion, skin color, sexual orientation, or any other preference that could give rise to discrimination.

Plato had already understood the importance of treating others well. He left us many works. This included a very interesting quote: "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle" English).

Apply this in your daily life, and you will be one of those who make this world a better place. As evident as it is, each individual has unique opportunities in life. Some will call it fate, others luck or even karma. But we have principles and automatisms which should be familiar to every individual on Earth: to treat with respect and dignity the person in front of us.

10- Keep in the corner of your mind that help is not so far away

Associations, LGBT rights defenders, allies,… Some LGBT people will not necessarily have the right reflexes. We still see too many people thinking that discrimination is normal, that it will pass, that they can endure… But remember that the feeling of unease and the suicide rate among LGBT youth are reaching extremes. And this is mostly facilitated by an anti-LGBT sentiment that is still too common in our society.

o, if you are faced with a situation of discrimination, help the victim by taking the necessary steps. Not only can this bring comfort to the victims, but it also shows them that there is a problem, as well as aid agencies available to try to end their torments.

If you are looking for help from specialized entities, refer to our Contact page for a list of associations and other entities to help you.

Don't hesitate to leave a comment if you have any other tips to become a better LGBT ally! Also, share your best and/or worst experiences in the comments!

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